After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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