I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
