Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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