so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize