Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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