all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
