Can Purell be used as lube?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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