dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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