my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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