That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
COCAINE IS GR8
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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