Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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