Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
