i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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