im six kinds of drunk right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
