Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
