I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
