I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
