I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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