Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
