Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
