he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My penis needs a shock collar
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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