went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize