areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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