You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize