You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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