How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
