I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize