My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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