Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
