yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
