I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
