matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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