I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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