so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
