I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I had your ass I would rule the world
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
