I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
