also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
