it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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