There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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