I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
