i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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