That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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