There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
