I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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