im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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