So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
