Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
