3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
