If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
