i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
