Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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