I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize