Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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