I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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