Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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