remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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