Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
