the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
True strength comes from lack of pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
