I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
