She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
