So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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