Farmville is her only friend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize