someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
