im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
