It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
