Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
