I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
