erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
