Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
