smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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