so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
