The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
