i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
