I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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