New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
