Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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