yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
