ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
