does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
