she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
