Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
