i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize