Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize