he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
