my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize