I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
