i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
