Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
