Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
